With apologies to the real Declaration - this is worth stating, nonetheless....
July 2, 2013 (awaiting your ratification)
The unanimous Declaration of this Dad, and all personalities he may or may not exhibit, depending on the day,
When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the commercial bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Health, Liberty and the pursuit of eco-friendliness.--That to secure these rights, Men are instituted among families, deriving their just powers from the consent of their spouses, --That whenever any Form of commercial control becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of those Dads to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new methods, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that commercial products long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that families are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Profit evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Commercial reliances, and to provide new Guards for their future security.--Such has been the patient sufferance of this Father; and such is now the necessity which constrains him to alter his former Method of Cleaning. The history of the present manufacturers of cleaning products is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute commercial reliance by these families. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.
They have submitted products for our purchase that do not disclose toxic ingredients.
They have manufactured products for use in our homes that are proven carcinogens.
They have sold us numerous products that encourage us to return to purchase more.
They have developed all manner of loss-leaders to require that we come back to purchase their patent-pending refills.
They have lauded the empty benefits of disposable items in the name of convenience and cleanliness.
They have overused the terms 'New' and 'Improved' to the extent that I'm not even sure what they mean any longer..
They have endangered our families by placing some of the most risky chemicals in our homes under our kitchen sinks.
They have replaced common sense methods of cleaning with the feeling of inadequacy lest we use their most recent formula for quashing dirt and grime.
They have enticed us with empty promises of power, control, and effortless cleaning in exchange for our very understanding of cleanliness and our promise to return to purchase more.
They have convinced us that our home's smell and shine mean more than the water system we flush their chemicals down into.
They have introduced chemicals without our knowledge which disrupt normal hormone levels.
They have packaged their product in beautifully seductive shiny containers bearing the likeness of either super heroes or well-proportioned 'normal' people whom we long to solve our cleaning problems.
They have hid behind the rationale that informing consumers would reveal precious trade secrets and proprietary formulas at the expense of our health and that of the environment.
They have 'guilted' us into use their products to make our homes more clean for our CHILDREN.
They have misinformed us and let us to believe that our homes would be cleaner for longer.
They have used cutesy mascots who leap to our defense against the evils of a spilled drink or a clogged drain, a dirty floor, or a greasy counter.
They have planned obsolescence for their loss-leaders, requiring that we upgrade to their even newer and better and more effective models.
They have green-washed their products, claiming eco-friendliness in the absence of evidence thereto.
They have introduced neuro-toxins into the mainstream of household cleaning.
They have made 'anti-bacterial' the new standard for clean living despite the long term dangers of indiscriminately fighting bacteria of all kinds.
They have introduced chemicals to be 'friendly' to our children (no more tears!) that actually harm them more.
They have polluted our air, our water, our landfills, our homes, our workplaces, our public places, and yes, our bodies, so much that even the newborn baby comes pre-loaded with chemicals.
In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated requests for disclosure, for accurate marketing, for a cleansing of the cleaning products industry have been answered only by repeated insult and injury. An industry whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our cleaning product companies. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their markets to mislead us. We have reminded them of the circumstances by which they have harmed us and our families. We have appealed to their sense justice and conscience, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common objectives to disavow these usurpations. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.
We, therefore, as Representatives of our homes and our families, do, in the Name, and by Authority of our spouses and of the good People under our roofs and those bonded in our quest, solemnly publish and declare, That we ought to be Free and Independent to pursue clean homes, our own health, and eco-friendly methods of cleaning. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to share our chemical free cleaning methods, our toxin free cleaning recipes, our allergy-friendly methods, and above all, our ability to pursue our freedom from the tyranny of the disposable, the dangerous, the unknown chemical offender.
to my family, Love Dad.
Join me in my (albeit irreverant) declaration of independence...
Post your name or response in the comments below..